Soundtrack to a breakdown

Most days I feel like I am walking around in some sort of pretend world.

It's similar to when you go on vacation. You fool yourself into thinking that you are leaving all your problems behind you, at home, and you manage to pretend that for a week or so. Long enough that you can enjoy your holiday and return to your stress-filled, 'real' life when you are rejuvenated.

I walk around in several different realities at all times. I am in a constant state of fooling myself. I would say that I am fooling others, but so much of it is just the fallout of my own pretending, my self-defense pretending, that I can't say I fool them as though it was a conscious decision. I get up in the morning and just try to hold things together and to remember to breath all day. Sometimes it sounds so easy that I am ashamed that other days I am proud of myself for achieving it. Achieving the impossible, to continue to pretend, to continue to function, to continue to let everyone think I am holding it together. To continue to live.